Recipe For Chaos

Real Stories From The Chaotic Front

Too Good Not To Share #1 Dear Santa,

There are very few people that I forward emails to. I love to get them (they make me smile and let me know someone out there is thinking of me) but rarely will I pass along jokes or stories unless its too good not too. (I hate when someone thinks I’m a crazy spammer.) Well, today in my inbox I got two great ones and wanted to share them with you all at once. This was sent by Becky who blogs at http://www.thinking-on-these-things.blogspot.com. I’m not sure of the origin.

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my own doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out — over several Christmases. Since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I’ll find any more free time in the next 18 years, so now – –

*** Here are my Christmas wishes ***

* I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (-in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

* I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

* If you’re hauling big-ticket items this year, I’d like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

* On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, ‘Yes, Mommy’ to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

* I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, ‘Don’t eat in the living room’ and ‘Take your hands off your brother,’ because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

* If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

*If you don’t mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

*It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe trip Santa, and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in and dry off, so you don’t catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours always with love and appreciation,

~A Mom

P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep my children ‘young’ enough to believe in Santa.


Advertisements

December 15, 2008 - Posted by | General Mayhem |

1 Comment »

  1. This part had me laughing out loud…
    *It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.”
    And the P.S. brought tears to my eyes. 🙂

    Comment by somuchmorethanamom | December 16, 2008


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: